Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
