Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just gift wrapped bread.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
