in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
