life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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