Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
