brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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