I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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