It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
