I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
