I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
