if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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