At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
