Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Randomize
