i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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