I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
