i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
