We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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