I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
