You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
