fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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