Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
