i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize