HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
