My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
