the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
