I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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