Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
