There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize