I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
you had me at cake vodka
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
