Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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