i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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