just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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