My entire life is one complicated drinking game
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
