If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize