...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
