Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
it's like heaven, but drunker
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
