Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
