I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
