you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
