You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
