i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
