but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
