Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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