Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
nutella sex= disaster
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
