No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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