If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you would pick up someone in the library
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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