We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i think i have herpe
just one?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
