Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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