I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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