I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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