I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
