Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
