Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
