God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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