the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
