i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
