so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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