I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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