sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
