and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This baby is an asshole
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize