i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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