I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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