Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
