I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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