Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
