We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You took a bar mat shot.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
